This was really it for them. All their hopes, all their dreams, every single moment they stood on that stage, gone. It wasn’t unexpected for them really. Each member knew they would be disbanded eventually, but this early?
Daesung nodded his head resolutely. His father had been right all along. Singing wasn’t a career path he could do for the rest of his life. And so with watery eyes and resignation on his face he just nodded at Sajangnim. Maybe if he begged for forgivness and told his father he was right he’d be welcomed home. Home was really all he had left at this point. His voice that could lift higher than the clouds wouldn’t be used anymore.
Seungri stood there speechless. No, nonononono. It couldn’t be over. He was still young. He still had many more years to stay at the top, to sing, to prove himself. What did he do now? He wasn’t as popular as the three eldest and he certainly didn’t have the voice. He had his Academies, yes, but even those wouldn’t keep him at the elevated rank he was now. Maybe Japan jobs? And with a flood of relief that he kept hidden expertly, he nodded his head as well. This wasn’t the end for him. Maybe he had reached his peak but he wouldn’t be falling down too fast just yet.
Youngbae blinked several times realizing that the words from Sajangnim’s mouth weren’t a joke. His bandmates, his friends, his brothers, everything was over now. Now he recalls Sajangnim’s words as he asked if he would stay with the company even if things turned sour. He had said yes of course. YG was his life and he wouldn’t give it up. But that inkling regret in his mind and the feeling of betrayal if he stayed wormed into his mind. Did God want him to stay? Up until this moment he trusted his prayers and the direction of his life but without his members, without Jiyong, Seunghyun, Daesung, and Seungri it felt like an empty life. He didn’t know what else to do, so he prayed like at every important or life changing moment he had come across.
Seunghyun was the eldest he should have been the most prepared for news like this. He wasn’t cut out for the cut throat reality of idol life. Perfection was something he was not and he couldn’t help feeling that if he had tried just a little bit harder, Bigbang wouldn’t be over right now. He was the hyung, he was supposed to protect his dongsaengs and yet he couldn’t even protect himself from the feeling of utter despair and disappointment. He swallowed hard once and asked the question everyone was wondering, “why?” He started to picture his life after Bigbang, away from the schedules, the fans, the stage. It was a simple life in a small apartment somewhere deep within Seoul. He would walk freely on the street and eat all the street food he could ever want. Ice cream was never off limits and treadmills were a non-existent thing. Maybe he would even have someone holding his hand tightly as he ate some fried food on a stick. Or maybe not. It didn’t seem so bad to him. But he could already feel the loss of what he had. He would be trading loneliness for grief and he didn’t know if he liked either one.
Jiyong felt an unpleasant feeling fill his stomach, it seeped and bloomed stretching until it filled every part of his body. His toes started tingling and his fingers became cold. Since he was thirteen this was all he knew. Everything he worked for was it really over? No it wasn’t. Not for him anyway. YG would offer him a producing job or maybe let him finally go solo like he had always wanted. But at what cost? The loss of Daesung’s voice, Youngbae’s dance, Seungri’s tenacity, and Seunghyun’s fire? He may not have wanted this group when he first started out but he did now. He needed them now. What little strength he had built around him crumpled. Nothing anyone could say would make this better. Bigbang was over. Bigbang was over. Over.
And they all thought at the same time, why?