Type: Fluff - with some angst
Summary: Sometime love takes time
A/N: I was reading the lyrics and listening to the song of Taeyang’s, Take It SLow and this popped into my head. Never written anything remotely smutty before so bare with me.
Youngbae tiredly walked into the Bigbang hostel. All he could think about was taking a nice long shower and then going to bed. He started down the hall to his room but like he always did he stopped by Jiyong’s room. The door was slightly cracked so he gently pushed it open not wanting to interrupt Jiyong if he was hard at work. He saw Jiyong sprawled across the bedspread sheets of paper strewn across. He smiled to himself, he was glad he was at least on the bed instead of hunched over at his desk. Jiyong always complained the next day about neck cramps. Youngbae walked in silently staring down at Jiyong’s sleeping face. He loved how Jiyong slept so peacefully, loved the way he breathed slowly, loved the relaxed and peaceful look on his face.
He loved that he was finally able to look at him with unabashed love on his face. He had loved Jiyong for the longest time. It had started as a slow and study friendship. They had been like brothers when they were trainees, inseparable. They had gone through the pain and hardships together. And finally the success too.
He recalled the moment when he finally realized his platonic friendship had grown into something more. It was two years after they debuted. He couldn’t deny his feelings any longer not when every time Jiyong walked in a room or touched he could feel his face flush, his breath hitch, and his heart pound. He had struggled during that time wrestling with himself and his desires. When Daesung cornered him and demanded to know why he was acting so weird around everyone he had finally caved.
“Hyung what is it? Everyone’s really worried about you. Especially Jiyong.” Daesung’s voice was soft and gentle like it always was. At the mention of Jiyong’s name though he proceeded to grab his head in frustration.
“Daesung-ah nothing’s wrong please leave it alone.” Youngbae sighed defeated he was so tired. Having to be careful of his words and actions around Jiyong was becoming a constant battle. Every time Jiyong smiled at him or even looked at him he fought the urge to just tell him. To scream out his love for the man that he use to love as a brother.
Daesung walked toward him and lightly placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hyung. There is we all can see something’s off. Jiyong keeps thinking he’s done something wrong. Please just tell me I promise I won’t tell anyone… please.” Youngbae looked up into Daesung’s worried but trusting eyes. He finally sighed in defeat. He laughed a little to himself at least he’d be able to tell someone right? But he really didn’t want Daesung or anyone for that matter to look at him differently. Daesung most of all would be different. How could he tell the man he went to church with every Sunday that he was in love with their leader?
“Daesung… you have to promise… promise me you won’t look any differently at me… promise not to tell anyone okay?” Daesung nodded rapidly.
“Hyung I promise, I promise.” He looked at Daesung fear sitting in the pit of his stomach.
“I-I love Jiyong.” His voice was higher than normal sounding strange in his ears. He couldn’t look at Daesung afraid of the judgment in his eyes. He felt Daesung’s had gently grip his shoulder. He looked up uncertain. There was no loathing, no hate, no pity even. All he saw was understanding and acceptance.
Daesung wrapped his arms around Youngbae giving him a hug filled with reassurance. “Why don’t you tell him?”
Youngbae stiffened. He did not want that. Daesung may have accepted his declaration but Jiyong would never. “Daesung don’t.” He warned an edge to his voice.
Daesung unwrapped his arms and looked at Youngbae carefully. “I won’t tell hyung I promised. But what if Jiyong feels the same way?”
Youngbae shook his head furiously, “No. He sees us as friends, brothers even; he’s said it many times before. I’m not going to leave this burden on him. It would make are relationship even worse than it is now.”
Daesung sighed and smiled gently, “Well you can’t keep avoiding him and making everything awkward. If you’re not going to tell him then you’re going to have to act like you don’t love him… until you tell him anyway.”
Youngbae shook his head slightly at the last words, “Yeah I know. And I can’t tell him okay. It would ruin Bigbang.” Daesung just shook his head.
“Whatever you say.”
He had lived in silence the next two years. Pretended around Jiyong. Pretended the small touches, whispered jokes, and silent gazes didn’t make his heart ache, yearn for the man that he saw every day. He noticed after the first year the pity emerging in Daesung’s eyes. It was hard to miss. He talked a little bit about it to Daesung but he didn’t want to burden him with anything. Not when he knew Daesung always suppressed the urge to tell him to just confess. So he held it in. Grew to bear it. After a while it wasn’t so bad. He could live with the little twinge now and again he got from looking at Jiyong, or touching Jiyong, or talking to him.
But like every good secret there’s always something or someone waiting to expose it. Who knew that he’d be the one to expose it though? He grinned to himself. Even though he was an emotional wreck during that time he couldn’t help looking back fondly on it. It had lead him to Jiyong so why wouldn’t he love it?
“Hey Bae can you help me stretch please.” Youngbae turned at the sound of Jiyong. He knew that voice, knew the soft pink mouth that spoke the term of endearment that came from their long friendship. He turned to look at Jiyong dresses in shorts and an oversize t-shirt. He mentally berated himself. He had forgotten that Jiyong had said he was working out today. Youngbae had slightly distanced himself ever since his confession to Daesung. He made sure he was never in a position that would compromise Jiyong or his carefully intact will. Helping Jiyong stretch was one the many things on his list that could bend and even break that will. He couldn’t not help Jiyong though, not when he had just started stretching himself. He walked silently toward Jiyong his face expressionless.
“Get down on the mat.” His voice was cold, distant, exactly what it needed to be. Jiyong looked at him puzzlement written on his face as he slowly sank to the floor. Jiyong had been taken aback at first when Youngbae pulled away slowly two years ago. He had come to accept his friends distance from him, hurt but realizing that fame changed people. He had even gotten a little jealous at the close bond that had developed between Daesung and Youngbae especially after they had started rooming together.
“Now lift your legs and pull back to stretch the leg muscles.” Youngbae looked away willing himself to tighten his self control. He looked back down as Jiyong pulled his legs back.
He heard Jiyong pant a little, “Bae can you push them back farther? I think I can stretch a little more.” Younbae hated Jiyong in that second. Hated him so much he roughly grabbed his leg and pulled back.
“Ow! Bae slowly and press back my thigh that’s the part that needs stretching.” Youngbae could feel the little muscles in his neck bulge. He was angry. Angry at himself for putting himself in this position. Youngbae gentler this time reached down and grabbed Jiyong’s thigh pushing back. Youngbae could already feel the heat rushing through his body down to his shorts. Feeling Jiyong’s thigh, only led him to think unwanted thoughts. Before he could stop his body he felt the tent already beginning to show in his shorts. He pulled his hands away like he’d been branded and rushed out throwing out a hurried excuse not even sure if his words made sense.
He grabbed his bag quickly and stuffed everything in it. He rushed out and headed for the hostel. He needed a cold shower. Needed to get as far away from Jiyong as possible. He practically lept through the door glad to be home. He stepped into the shower the cold water taking his breath away. But nothing could help his thoughts. He tried not to think about Jiyong when he let one off as much as possible, not wanting the ache in his chest to worsen, but sometimes even his self control failed. Today was one of those days. He gently stroked himself slowly at first. Gently squeezing his head, wiping the precum away. He was so hard it hurt; he hadn’t done anything in ages knowing he’d end up thinking of the one thing that made him hard. He needed to come and fast. He started stroking faster small pants escaping his mouth. He imagined Jiyong’s mouth slowly sucking him off. He imagined the feel of his hot breath on his tip, the slow circles his tongue made. The way he pushed hard against the back of Jiyong’s throat. Feeling Jiyong’s throat tighten around him. Imagined the way Jiyong would look up at him, lust and love mingled together. And Youngbae came, Jiyong’s name escaping his lips loudly as hot sticky cum fell onto his hand and was swiftly washed away with the water. He stood panting. He’d come harder than he thought he would. He turned off the water and stepped out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around himself he opened the door and headed to his room.
He stopped just inches outside of the bathroom door his mouth flying open. Jiyong stood wide eyed before him. Youngbae felt like time stopped. They both stood their staring at each other both wide eyed. Youngbae knew Jiyong had heard. Heard the loud cry he had released with Jiyong’s name on his lips. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe, his worst fear was happening and he couldn’t do anything.
“I-I-I…” Words escaped him. He didn’t even know what to say.
Jiyong looked at him still wide eyed. “Bae…” He trailed off and looked down. He was ashamed, disgusted. Of course he was. What Youngbae had done was inexcusable. He’d ruined everything, and all for what? Because he couldn’t control himself enough to deal with his horrible love for his best friend.
Jiyong looked back up at him but Youngbae turned his eyes away he didn’t want to see the look on Jiyong’s face as he told him off. “Bae… how long?” He winced a little. His throat was dry he tried to squeeze out the words. He felt like a fish without water sputtering for breathe.
His voice was small, weak as he answered him. “Don’t ask Ji… too long.”
Hot tears stung his eyes. He’d held in all the tears he’d wanted to cry for so long. Wanted to cry for loving someone that he couldn’t ever have, for knowing he’d never love anyone else, and for knowing he’d never be loved in return. He hid his face behind his hand and let out a sob. He felt warm arms wrap around him. Felt hands cradle his head softly. He heard the soft words spoken to him. “Bae, shh, please don’t cry. Why though? Why haven’t you ever told me?” Jiyong pulled Youngbae back gently and looked at him. With all the love he possessed. “I’m not sure right now what I’m feeling. I do know I love you but… I’ve… I’ve never thought about us together in that way.” Youngbae pulled away he didn’t want to hear anymore. Jiyong grabbed his hands again making sure he didn’t leave. “Bae listen I’m not done. I can’t express everything that’s going through my mind.” Jiyong pulled away and ruffled his hair frustrated “Aish I’m sorry I’m probably not helping anything at all.” He turned to Youngbae a small smile on his lips, “Bae… I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m willing to give it a try… you’re my best friend. I’ve always loved you. I’ll try, for you, because of you.” They stood silent staring at each other.
Youngbae didn’t know what to say. Jiyong was willing to try with him. Willing to love him back the way Youngbae had always loved him. Jiyong smiled toward him sadly, “I can’t promise anything. So if it doesn’t work out you have to promise we’ll stay friends… please?” Youngbae felt the familiar ache return to his chest but swept it away. Jiyong was trying at least.
“Ji I’d never be able to not be your friend… to not have you in my life…”
Youngbae walked to Jiyong’s bed. Shifted papers around and laid gently down beside his sleeping love. He wrapped an arm around Ji’s waist nestling his head in the crook of Jiyong’s shoulder and closed his eyes. A smile played across his lips. He didn’t have to worry about Jiyong falling in love with him. It had begun just like their friendship. Gradual and slow but powerful. Youngbae was still careful around Jiyong, physically, not wanting to push his limits. But he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Jiyong loved him. Loved him the way Youngbae had for so long.
Youngbae opened his eyes at the soft squeeze on his arm. He opened his grip as Jiyong turned over a smile bright on his face. “When did you get here?”
Youngbae grinned, like he always did when he looked at Jiyong, “Only a few minutes ago. You can go back to sleep. I’m tired to so I thought I’d nap with you.” Jiyong gave him a mischievous smirk.
“Are you sure you want to sleep?” Jiyong leaned in and laid a soft but sensual kiss on his lips. He looked at Jiyong a bit breathless. He then captured Jiyong’s lips with his. He played lightly over Jiyong’s lower lip before asking for permission. Jiyong readily let him and they teased each other their tongues playing lightly with each other. Jiyong then gently pulled Youngbae’s lip into his mouth sucking and biting. He pulled away lust filling his eyes. He roamed his hand slowly under Youngbae’s shirt feeling the sculpted body that he had grown to admire.
“Bae… I want to… please?” Youngbae looked at him worried. He had always denied Jiyong. Neither of them knowing what would happen. He had to admit he was a little frightened, he didn’t want to hurt Jiyong. “Please.” Jiyong was pleading with him.
“Are you sure?” Jiyong nodded vigorously. “Let’s take it slow, okay?” Jiyong nodded. Youngbae felt a nervousness fill him. He moved in slowly and kissed Jiyong softly. He could feel Jiyong’s nervousness thrumming through him to. Jiyong’s hand was still under his shirt. Jiyong slowly lifted it off, Youngbae lifted Ji’s shirt off and tossed it carelessly on the floor. Youngbae reached out and played lightly with Jiyong’s nipple. Taking the hard nub between his fingers he began pinching and teasing. He heard a small gasp escape Jiyong’s lips. He leaned in and slowly licked it flicking back and forth. Loving the moans elicited form Jiyong’s mouth. He began lightly biting and sucking and watched as goose bumps traveled across Jiyong’s body. Jiyong pushed him back slowly until his head rest on the pillow. Ji reached shaky hands toward Youngbae’s belt and tugged them down. He stopped hesitating over his boxers. Youngbae gave him a reassuring smile and gently leaned forward to lay a kiss upon his lips. Jiyong smile down at him as he lay back against the pillows. Youngbae helped Jiyong to tug his boxers down and looked down suddenly shy. He felt a blush creep across his face. He peeked up at Jiyong and saw a tiny blush cover his features but he looked adoringly down.
He heard a small whisper fall from his lips,“Youngbae your beautiful… so beautiful.” Jiyong then slowly reached down and took him in his hands. He began stroking gently and looked at Youngbae. Seeing the look on his face he slowly lowered his mouth to hover just above his tip. Youngbae shivered as Jiyong’s warm breath fell onto his cock. Jiyong licked his lips and innocent act but one that made Youngbae’s mouth dry. Jiyong began to lick and suck softly at first teasing small sounds from Youngbae’s throat. He then gently played with his balls loving the faces Youngbae made. Soon he lowered his mouth down Youngbae’s shaft taking him all in allowing for his tip to reach past his gag reflex.
“Oh god Ji.” Youngbae let out several moans and grabbed the back of Ji’s head. Jiyong began to rapidly bob up and down sucking hard. Youngbae threw his head back releasing Jiyong’s head. He wouldn’t last long not with Jiyong doing that. And he wanted to last longer. So much longer. “Ji stop! You going to make me come!” Jiyong seemed to delight in that and began rapidly deep throating him. “Please Ji!” Jiyong looked up through half lidded eyes. He began talking his mouth still around Youngbae’s shaft. The vibrations sending moans from his mouth. Jiyong smirked slightly but sucked his way up and then breathed out his reply against his tip, before licking the precum away, “I want you to come though.”
Youngbae quickly stopped him with a shaky hand, “Wait I don’t want to come yet… I want to come when you do…” He trailed off embarrassed at his sentimental wish. Jiyong gave him a sweet smile and moved up to kiss him.
“Okay… but only because you asked so sweetly.” Youngbae grinned at him and began to pull Jiyong’s pants off. When Jiyong was free Youngbae just stared. The same look of adoration coming from his eyes as Jiyong’s.
“No Ji your beautiful. God so beautiful.” Youngbae grabbed Jiyong’s face and heatedly devoured his lips. Youngbae roamed his hands down the smooth, slim surface of Jiyong’s pale skin. Soft muscle greeted his hands as he slowly worked his way down to the one thing he wanted. He reached Jiyong’s cock and began jerking him off in slow steady movements. Jiyong let out moans that made Youngbae’s cock twitch. Youngbae barely managed to pant out his feelings, “Ji I think I might just come to your moans.”
“Don’t… not yet… I want you inside me first.” Jiyong let out small whimpers each time Youngbae pulled up.
“Are you sure?” And Jiyong began nodding vigorously like before. Youngbae carefully lifted Jiyong’s leg up, unsure of himself but gentle, he played lightly over Jiyong’s whole eliciting small noises that made him want to do something else. He licked his finger watching Jiyong’s eyes as he slowly pushed gently inside of him. Jiyong tensed as Youngbae pushed in. He relaxed allowing for him to push in and out stretching him slowly. Jiyong panted softly as he pushed in a second finger taking his time allowing for him to adjust. Jiyong began stroking him again making him pant in the process. Jiyong stroked as Youngbae pushed in and out, both breathing hard taking in the sensations of each other. Jiyong moved closer and ghosted a soft kiss over Youngbae’s lips,
“I’m ready Bae…” Bae looked into his eyes. They were filled with love that overpowered him. He leaned his head against Jiyong’s and took in all the feelings coursing through him. Jiyong was his, all of his, they were together sharing the love that engulfed them.
Youngbae gently laid Jiyong back against the bed and guided himself just outside of Jiyong. “Are you ready?”
Jiyong laughed slightly breathless, “Youngbae how many times are you going to ask? I’m ready… you don’t have to wait for me or ask me anymore. I love you.” Youngbae gazed down at him. And bent down and gently laid a kiss upon his collarbone as he pushed in. He went slowly, wincing at the little gasp of pain that came from Jiyong’s lips. He began kissing his shoulders, his neck, his eyebrows, his forehead, and finally his lips and he began pumping into him. Jiyong’s face was contorted as grunts escaped his lips.
“Jiyong… I’m sorry… I’m sorry.” Jiyong only answered him by gripping him tighter, pulling him closer. Soon Jiyong relaxed enough for him to ease in and out easier. Jiyong was so tight around him, so tight that he knew he’d come. He was so close.
“Youngbae don’t stop… don’t!” Jiyong was moaning so loud. Moaning his name, grabbing him harder trying to meld their bodies together.
“I’m going to come Ji!” Youngbae screamed Jiyong’s name feeling Jiyong’s wall tighten around him milking him of everything he had. He felt the sudden burst of hot cum on his stomach as Jiyong released screaming his name. They had come together and lay panting. Youngbae rolled to the side still in Jiyong and twitched a little as Jiyong tightened around him. He let out an exhausted chuckle, “Not yet Ji I don’t think I have it in me for another go.” He wrapped his arms around Ji and pulled him close feeling the fast breathing of Jiyong’s breath on his neck.
Jiyong let out a soft laugh and looked at him before planting a kiss on his lips, “Well I’m not giving you that much time to rest… so don’t fall asleep on me okay.” Youngbae laughed grabbing his waist closer.
“Take it slow Ji… we have all night you know.” He rested his head against the pillow and closed his eyes. Jiyong’s soft breath creating a rhythm for him to fall asleep to, like he said they had all night so why rush things, after all he’d waited for Jiyong before it was about time Jiyong waited for him.